Draw My Fine Lines

It's funny how hard I try to fight against indifference/apathy. Empowering things with my feelings/thoughts towards them. In a way these, indifference and apathy, can be very useful. It would be very nice to be able to disconnect myself from the things around me, the feelings I have towards things, once in awhile, to have peace in my mind and not "feel" so much. Numb; I know that feeling but havn't spent much time there as of late. There are a number of things I wish I had no feelings/thoughts towards/about. The more I think about them, the more it empowers them. Sorry folks, these things will remain only in my mind...


...but I'm sure everyone has something they wish they could abandon and feel nothing towards.

Gestaltism/ Organic Holism

Gestalt Psycology

has contributed in great lengths to nationalism and state politics. Not only did the transference of this philosophy contribute to Natzi Germany and the persecution of all parts of society that were not part of the productive "organic" people, it also lead to ingrowth and the rejection of diversity/individuality within all the different fields of study durring that time.
When looking at 9/11 and the language Bush uses, I can't help but notice the same principles being applied yet again. There is a real US vs THEM feeling. There is no grey, only Good or Bad. You are in "The Pattern" or not part of it.

Quotes:
"If you're not with us, you're against us."

"We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them."

"When the terrorists and their supporters are gone, the people of Afghanistan will say with the rest of the world: Good riddance."

The United States is dealing with an enemy so evil that they want "to kill all Americans, kill all Jews, and kill all Christians."

"We wage a war to save civilization itself. We did not seek it, but we will fight it and we will prevail."

Now what happens when Gestaltism is transfered into Christianity? Perhaps this is where the evangelical tradition picked up its speed. Saved VS Sinner The Body of Christ VS Pagans Christians as a mass must go out and "convert" the world. Not that I don't beleive there is a place for this but it leaves very little room for the work of the Holy Spirit and it places way too much importance on Humanity and the human efforts to "Save the world".

The problem with Gestaltism is that we fill in the missing pieces of the puzzles that we see/make. We find our own patterns, try to fill in the missing blanks and come up with our own conclusions. How do we know who has the right pattern? How do we know the pieces we are trying to put into our patterns really fit? Worldviews... who has the right one and how do you prove it?

Metaphorically, we all see the world as a puzzle. You know the kind we use to put together as children. Many different pieces make up a picture of our own personal realities. But we all share in certain pieces of our puzzles. Perhaps there are some puzzle piece that are the same and can be found and fit in everyones puzzles. These universal puzzle pieces must be some form of absolute reality and we use Gestalt theory to fill the rest in. I would argue that these universal puzzle pieces are really creational, God Knowing, universals. When we are in dialouge with others, we must search out these universals and gain what God given knowledge they provide and recognize them in our own puzzles. We must not dismiss the whole of anothers worldview but try and find/search out what they have to offer.

Can anyone contain the whole picture, claim to see the whole elephant, in their worldview? I think only our creator can lay claim to that vantage point.

Pain in my side turns into pain in my ass

I was at the Emerg. last night for some sharp pain that has become common enough for me to warrent going to the Emerg. (I hate hostpitals. They should have been included on my last post list)it seems I have a gall bladder desease. Though rare amoungst the young,healthy weighted, vegetarian population, I guess my gender and family history have caught up with me. So instead of my regular freezer food cheesy pasta lunch or occational pizza bun, I am having mashed potatoes and beats. The beats are turning my mashed potatoes into a lovely pink colour and are said to be good to eat when having gall bladder problems. I've also started taking some flax seed oil and apple cider vinegar. I'm going to have an ultra-sound sometime soon and then discuss options with my doctor.


Yuck! Gall Bladder full of stones

Most advice about gall bladder desease says to lose weight, avoid fatty greasy foods, dairy and red meat-
a) I'm not over weight! and b) I'm a vegetarian who drinks soy milk!
I'm not really sure what else to do.

Good-bye Jump Start Jolt

*Sigh*

I always seem so productive in the mornings but then start to fade by afternoon. Directionless on so many levels. I think I distract myself on purpose.

Anyway, a list of things I don't like:

* clowns
* ground beef (meat in general but this is worst)
* surgery on t.v.
* spelling bees
* sand in my bathing suit
* wet wool
* stratification
* snakes
* car horn honkers
* exploded pens
* toothpaste left in sinks
* blackflies
* money
* talking on telephones and/or cell phones
* elitists
* indifference
* wrist watches (except for my cool Astro-Boy watch)
* toe-nail eatters
* McDonalds
* fuzzies on my teeth
* old nail polish remains on my fingers/toes
* guilt munipulation
* people who clear thier throats a million times

Polygamy in BC

The CBC is covering a story about polygamists being persecuted in BC

. Interesting.

Many communities would crumble if polygamy wasn't in place. How so? Well polygamy is an intersting social set up that allows for many wives to be taken by one man. (or I guess many men to be taken by one woman but most cultures don't highten a woman's status enough to make this feasible or necessary.) So why is this a good thing? Well many of these cultures/places where polygamy has been ingrained are very poor, there are higher and younger death rates and men are in socially higher positions. This makes for single women and widows to be in a very difficult position. If a woman is not married and cared for within a family unit, in order to support themselves, many of them turn to prostitution or other degrating occupations. They become street people. This is one of the main reasons poygamy is so popular within these cultures. Not only does polymagy provide women with a future/home but it also helps to ease the workload in households. Instead of one woman trying to do all the chores (and in these societies, the "chores" take A LOT longer to complete due to lack of technology and resources), many women can work together to ease the workload.

Polygamy has been around since ancent days (Weren't King David and King Solomon polygamists?) and I would suggest it is more biblically founded than certain other "marriage" practices, you know the ones I'm talking about. But I do think we should be leary of it within societies/cultures where the social structures have bled out its necessity. I think it is an athentic quest to question polygamist motives and I also wonder where the lines of tradition should be drawn. This idea of tradition can be a big problem. Just because certain cultures have traditions, it doesn't mean these traditions are Biblically founded outside of their own cultures and/or cultural worldviews. (This thought goes back to an idea about the Bible's contextualization within different cultures making things ie. polymagy acceptable in certain contexts and not others. Spirit of the law and letter of the law might also come into play.) Perhaps this is also a Canadian problem. Canada is a country built on acceptance and tolerance. We are known for our patchwork. We are a county of immigrants, immigrants with different histories and worldviews. How do we divide up the traditions and deem some "good" and others "bad"? Very difficult to do in a "governed county" setting.

Anyway, I wonder if the next issue we will be facing in the degration of the Biblical term "marriage" in Canada is the legitimacy of polygamy. Not so likely with Conservities at the hull but it's something to keep an eye on.

I wonder if they're issued to our soldiers?

Technology I'd support.



It's a marshmallow gun!

The simple life and I'm not talking Paris Hilton

I'm really not a big fan of technology. And although I'm sure it has a little to do with my lack of computer skills, this veiw is also supported by my observations. With the increase of technology, theoretically, people have been able to compact more work into smaller amounts of time. Now I know many people might say that's a good thing; people are created with a good desire to do work and work can be a means to make money and survive. If it can "shorten" the time and effort spent in work then it can't be a bad thing.
My problem with technology comes into play when it compounds our desires to "do as much as we can" into an idol of sorts, becoming the leading "tool" for our working greed. What happens to all this extra spare time we are left with when we use technology? We end up doing something else with it. This is not always because we desire to do something else, this is usually because society has ebraced technology, engulfed it, so much to the extent that our lives have become "fast paced" as the result. Not only that, this fast paced lifestyle has lead our over worked society to become disillusioned with the idea of work so that the majority of people in the working force hate thier jobs. They work, not for the pleasure of it, but to get thier paychecks or to enjoy "free time". This is a twisted concept of what work was created to be. This also propels the problem of escapism and our society's worship of entertainment, not to mention substance abuse.
Technology also marginalizes certain sectors of society. For example, my neighbour came over the other day for help with his resume. He is an older man, late 40's early 50's, and in the trades. He had never written a resume in his life. Back in the "old days" you could just walk into a place, shake thier hand, and they'd give you a job. (Really this wasn't so long ago but because of the radical leap in technology, standards changed.) He has NO computer skills and wanted to hand in his resume on a hand written piece of lined paper. Does this guy have a chance? Even though he has many years under his belt in the trades, it would be next to impossible to get a job with a hand written resume in todays technologically inhanced playing field. I don't think my dad even knows how to turn off a computer let alone use one effectively. *sigh*

There's something to be said of limiting technology and doing things for youself. Maybe the Mennonite tradition has something to teach us here. I attended a mennonite church in Hamilton for awhile and found the congregation really to my liking (perhaps because of by baptist upbringing?). They were communal in that they were very socially active in the community (helping the poor and marginalized), passive/ anti-war (which came across as humble and peace loving) but more relevant to this blog is that they tried to live simple lives. They didn't try to abandon technology, they tried to limit it. They recognized that sometimes technology could complicate a life rather than make it simple.
And to behonest- I think planting some of your own vegetables can be a much more simple and rewarding process than going to the store and buying them. I think making something with your hands can bring glory to God through your own creation. I think walking places is beter for the environment and an excellent way to see and embrace the beauty in the world around you. Stoping in for a visit instead of a phone call (or email!!!), washing dishes by hand with a loved one who's drying by your side, having a bon-fire and sharing your roasted goods

There are so many ways to limit your technology and get more out of the life we were created to live. I think it's time that we realize the beauty and enjoyment that can be found in work and that we should search out the necessary ways to reform and embrace it.

Looking-up

I'm starting to feel that special creative feeling again. You know that feeling- when life becomes intense and little things seem magical. You can pick any image, taste or smell, texture, sound or epitome and expand them- engulph them.
I just put some software on my laptop to make it easier to write my own music and one of my former professors suggested I write a book about missions and rural issues. I have a dial tone on my telephone and last night I checked out ceramic tiles for my bathroom floor. Although I'm still addicted to coffee or more likely the caffine, I'm working on it. It's raining today- I love the rain- and my flower beds are dying in want of it. I heard of a position opening up at the Women's Shelter and the kiss John gave me this morning is still fresh in my mind.

In honor of this, a list of things I like:
- the smell of rain
- dandelion fluff
- tea and honey
- melodies and rhythms in my head
- the sound of water running in my creek
- blowing bubbles
- trail mix
- driving with my windows down
- mellow music while reading books
- dialogue
- seeing the stars
- being held

Right now there is too much to list. I'm on sensory overload. I'm not high. It's just how I get sometimes.

For some reason this fits me right now:

Caught a ride to another town
Where the air was clean
And the sun never goes down
Everyone was standing in a line
Between the landing and the stairs

I heard somebody call my name
I almost climbed the stairs
But Megan I had a feeling that someday you'd meet me there
So I just waited there for you

Taken From "Megan"- Smoking Popes-

The Problem of Love

I am a very passionate person. When I do something, I try and do it to the fullest. This can be said for most things in my life- love included. A problem that I have come up against a few times in my endevour to love to the fullest is my tendency to love without consideration of the other. I am so passionate to love at times I don't stop to question if the person I'm trying to love wants my love or wants the things I am offering as a sign of love. Perhaps forcing yourself and your "gifts" on others is not true love, it's a type of love rape. Perhaps love becomes a burden when given to those who don't want it. Is love like that ugly sweater your grandmother gives you for Christmas that she just adores and makes you wear (with best intentions of making you look good) for the remainder of the holiday, trying to love you but really humiliating you?

It becomes even more complicated when the person you are trying to love, in your opinion, can not judge for themselves what might be best for them. An example of this would be my grandparents. Right now we are going through the very tricky and delicate process of placing my grandparents in a "Home". My grandfather is physically unable to care for himself and my grandmother is mentally unable to care for herself. The two of them complement each other in a way but as a team they just can't do it anymore. The problem is they don't understand why they can't manage anymore. As often as we enlighten them to thier reality, they forget or seem to disregard our words.


Sample Conversation Excerpts:
"You've got to get me out of here. It's full of old people."
"Grandpa, most of these people are younger than you."
"I feel like I'm in jail."
"Grandpa, you're free to go out for coffee or to go for a walk sometime."
"I want to go home."
"Who will take care of you if you go home?"
"I can take care of myself."
*To myself*- Yah and that's why when Grandma went into the hospital and you were alone you had to call us over to pull up your pants or you just sat in your own crap until someone came over to see you.

Is it more loving to let them live out their lives dangerously in thier own home, they way they would like, or is it more loving to go against their wishes and put them together in a "home" where they could be cared for by professionals?
I know it's the latter but I guess I just sense a feeling of imperialism. This idea of "I know best" can be a dangerous road and not one to be trend on lightly. Even the motive of Love can become twisted in the end result.

When I think about Christ and his love, a different picture emerges.
Maybe the question comes down to the loved and the lover or more precisely the attitude of the lover and the response of the loved. The lover must be patient and persistent with his love, but not overbarring. He/she must allow others to reject him/her and yet be humble enough to welcome them back on thier terms/timing. The lover must embody Agape- the sacrifical love- and set aside personal motives and desires. The loved, on the other hand, must react to the lover and not be indifferent. She/he must acknowledge all efforts made by the lover and continuously evaluate the relationship to allow for appropriate responses. The loved must also embody a humble spirit; recognizing they do not "deserve" to be loved but instead should show gratitude inlight of it.

Hmmm. So much more to think about.

Mission in the Rural Community

So here I am.

I've moved back to my roots, ie. "hick" (I really hate that word and the baggage it holds) central, after living in a variety of urban centres over the past 6.5 years. I'm still adjusting to the way of life here and trying to figure out where I fit in. I want to be an active part of the rural community and I want to understand the issues that are facing these communities. When I look around or recall some of my younger years (although I'm sure some issues have changed/morphed since then) I see/remember so many problems with substance abuse, poverty, issolation, depression, communal social hierachies and other things that aren't on the top of my head. There are some programs available for people but they don't recieve a lot of attention and locations are not always convenient. Transportation and commutes can be a huge problem for many people and with gas prices going up, it's not going to get easier. Another problem faced by rural areas is the pressure to act like they are urban centres. (This thought might deserve an entry of its own)

I think one of my new goals is to try and figure out what the needs of my local communites are and how I can be a part of the things around me. Donald Reid from the University of Guelph is doing some research into the marginalized in rural communities. A topic of great interest to me.
check up on this later

May Day - This ship is going down.

Yesterday was May Day or International Workers Day. In recognition of this, I went to a socialist May Day gathering in T.O. As John had foreseen, it ended up being mostly a bunch of "old" people talking about "the good old times". Even though John was bored out of his mind, there were some highlights for me. A Palestinean refugee woman, about my age -mid twenties- read some of her poetry. It was really interesting to hear her speak her mind. To be honest, I've been feeling sheltered as of late and am really missing the urban scene, so maybe just getting out hightened the experience for me. Anyway, her poetry was eye opening. She wanted to talk to this "god" that had promised her land away; with a plea for his cellphone number or email- some way to communicate with him- full of "just anger", she deemed my God unjust. Her passion was unfailing. She also talked about her womb baring the rebels to come; A daughter with rock and riffle in hand. Sparking strength from her womb; the idea of offspring came across as more powerful than I had ever thought it before. An offspring that would stand thier ground and take back thier land. And what do we say to her Christians? How can we respond? We've been misrepresented by war and death and under the label of "Christian" we spread more fear than anything else. That's what her reaction was. A reaction to fear. She was fighting back. She was strong and I envy her for that.

My question is: how do we clean ourselves of the misrepresentations? How can we show that Christ is not an opportunist, not an imperialist, not a "happy God" that will make you feel good? Christ has been/is misrepresented and twisted into what we want him to be to serve our own purposes and it's so hard to sort it out, let alone show others, who have no clue, what He's really about.

I would suggest sticking to the Biblical metaphors but then questions of contextualization come into play. Not everyone can relate to father roles and I'm sure the image of a shephard is not in it's right cultural/historic context anymore. God is Love is almost uncomprehensible because love is one of those concepts that just can't be truly captured by metaphore. There's a million different metaphors used to discribe God and really all of them are needed to gain a slight knowledge of Him, to show others what He truly is. Maybe language falls short here.

"From pure sensation to the intuition of beauty, from pleasure and pain to love and the mystical ecxtasy and death - all the things that are fundamental, all the things that, to the human spirit, are most profoundly significant, can only be experienced, not expressed. The rest is always and everywhere silence." -Aldous Huxley-